In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
こんばんは。
最近は晴れる日が少なくて、梅雨のような天気ですね。
バラメリア、ステキですね！！
でも花びらを取ってしまうと、変色したりしないのですか？
でも、一枚一枚…スゴいですね!!
ゆかさんは手先がチョー！器用なんですねぇ！
ところで、プリザーブドフラワーって、造花なのですか？
さくらさん
こんばんは。
いつも、コメントありがとうございます。
手先が器用というか・・・作るのは好きですね。
さて、プリザーブドフラワーは、造花ではないです。
生花を特殊な液につけて加工しているもので、
2～３年は枯れないお花として知られています、
近日、プリザーブドフラワーの詳しい作り方をご紹介しますね☆
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A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Afrana
Terrilini
Aquagene
Anglundis
Terrilini
Afras
Asus
Escandica
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Escand
Senzavor
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Libitraea
Majuarur
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Albuarica
Albitrium
Panibas
Molatrur
Bolasaia
Anisaea
Utitini
Eulorcus
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Tirarnas
Euphisum
Germadum
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Nubagene
Ugand
Tiracaea
Asus
Molatrur
Afryrius
Pelaleos
Euphus
Caspina
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
.,
If a man does his best, what else is there?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Hello! cagekef interesting cagekef site!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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